WWE RAW Reflections – 19/11/2007
*NOTE: THis is the innaugral RAW Reflections on WordPress. YAY!*
-Back from a two-week, self-imposed exile, the RAW Reflections are BACK. Did you think I would miss tonight? Not on your life. 
Even before the crappy Papa Roach song plays, we have some kind of torch carrier. The Olympics isn’t for like another 6 months, dude.
-The opening segment was… chaotic. Old Man Hickenbottom comes down to beg for ANOTHER shot at the WWE Title, only to be interrupted by KENNEDY. And even before Kennedy gets a chance to explain to us why he’s out here, Shawn attacks him… FOR NO RAISIN!!~ Following that, we get a nice, smarky little promo about how Shawn is a loser (he lost the WMX Ladder Match, his match with Randy Orton, and His Smile©), with more brawling and cat calling by both. Regal comes out to try and restore order, and we get…
-Shawn Michaels and Ken Kennedy in a NON-Match. Basically, the match never started, as they really just continued brawling, ending with Shawn superkicking a chair into Kennedy’s face. Sweeeet, Kennedy vs Michaels feud. On a side tangent, you can tell who’s getting hit with a chair, based on what side the part you put your ass on is facing. THE MORE YOU KNOW!!
-Hey, what happened to Lawler?
-Oh, he’s facing Eurotrash Superstar next.
-…I have to wonder. Is Eurotrash Superstar vs Jerry Lawler a textbook example of what Memphis wrestling was like, back in the 1980’s? According to Bret Hart’s awesome book, Memphis style is weird, hokey, and absolutely absurd, which is what this match was like. Granted, Eurotrash Superstar’s impersonation of Lawler was FUCKING AWESOME (hell, just Eurotrash Superstar wearing a crown period was a hilarious visual), this match was by no means a clinic. Jerry wins with a roll up and we immediately segue into….
-Randy Orton! After RKOing The King just for the hell of it, he lets us know that the Torch runner is FOR HIM! Apparently, he’s having a torch-passing ceremony for himself tonight, after beating WWE’s top three guys on RAW. So, he’s going for 0-2 in his “Hosting grandiose Ceremonies in His Honour” column. Good.
-Back from break, that torch guy is STILL RUNNING! OMJ!~~@!
-In the back, Nadd Grisham is with Mr. Kennedy, who looks like he’s suffering the worst toothache ever. All Mr. Kennedy wanted to do was have a nice, friendly chat, but Old Man Hickenbottom was all “GIT OUTTA HERE, YOU PUNK KIDS! STAY OFFA MY LAWN!!” Following this came one of the most kickass promos ever to come out of Kennedy’s mouth. This feud’s going to kick ass.
-Further in the back, Vince is taken aback by how Regal and Coach thought last night’s Hornswoggle vs TALL Khali match was (In case you didn’t see it, we were reminded that, yes, The Tall Khali is VERY VERY TALL…). Carlito shows up for something, but then Vince decides to book him in a match with the Leprechaun. So, it is true. They ARE writing Carlito off…
-Jeff Hardy vs Umaga, for the most part, SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKED. IT WAS FUCKING TERRIBLE. Seriously, this match was like 1 billion hours of Umaga pinching Jeffy’s Trapezius muscle, followed by a 4-minute assortment of spots at the end. I actually started flipping through channels during the match, only to come back and see Umaga STILL have that damn nerve pinch on. FUCK, aside from the end, the ONLY good spot in this match happened DURING THE COMMERCIAL BREAK. CHIRST, BOTH of these guys could have done A LOT better.
-Oh yeah, post match, Snitsky (who REALLY needs a new goddamn look, he looks like the “Muscle” CAW Template from WWF War Zone for N64) comes out and attacks Jeff Hardy FOR NO RAISIN, only for them damned H’s to come out for the save.
-GOD, what a bad match.
-OMG, WE’RE BEING SAVED TONIGHT. God, I hope so…
-Back from break, Nadd Grisham has a friendly chat with RAW’s new BFF’s, The H’s and Jeff Hardy. Apparently, The H’s is now modeling himself as a Superhero of some kind with a FOX attitude. He also mocks Grisham, claiming that Grisham likes transvestites. LOL GAY JOKES… coming from a guy who once kissed his best friend on national television…
-Last night, they were tagging together for the RAW “We Have A Tag Division?” Championship. Tonight, Cody Rhodes and Bob Holly are… back to feuding? O… K… Anyway, it’s what you’d expect from two of the most bland guys on the WWE Roster (and that’s saying something), with Cody getting the SURPRISE win (with no one caring…). Apparently, all this was for naught, as…
-Randy Orton comes down and RKO’s both of them. Should we assume that this feud is over? Seeing as they just got buried by a guy nowhere near involved in this feud? Apparently, we have an update on that torch runner… HE’S IN FORT LAUDERDALE! OMJ YAYES!!!!
-Back from break we have… a Randy Orton tribute video. Oy vay. Tell me a lie.
-In the back, WWE decides to make it as clear as daylight that Finlay IS, in case anyone out there had the slightest bit of doubt, a true Irishman… from Belfast. Northern Ireland. Ireland. Irish. Irish. Ireland. Beer. Irish. Boy, he sure is Irish. Oh yeah, Vince is old, and needs “hot milk” to help him sleep. Because he’s old. Also, he’s the descendant of Irish people. But not actually FROM Ireland. Ireland. Irish. Irish. IRISH? Irish.
-Irish.
-Back from Irelan… I MEAN, Break, we get a GOD-awful pre-match promo with Jillian Hall (FOR GOD’S SAKE, KEEP HER AWAY FROM A MICROPHONE!!!), followed by a ho-hum Diva’s tag match. Wait a minute, did Jillian ACTUALLY try a 450 Splash? I thought that was banned… OH right, only a certain guy who’s name rhymes with Blaul Blondon is not allowed to do it. Oh, is Mickie doing some sort of lesbian gimmick now? They dropped the angle with Trevor Murdoch like a hot potato, and now she’s kissing her opponents before she finishes them off? Not complaining, just curious.
-Hey, wait a minute, WHERE the hell was Beth Phoenix?
-So THIS is RAW’s main event match… Carlito vs a Leprechaun. Again, from what I have come to understand, this has “MEMPHIS” written all over it. This was absolute nonsense, with the only logic being the “Fighting Resident of an Island off the Coast of Britannia that isn’t Orkney, Jersey, Guernsey or the Isle of Man” Finlay coming out to help Hornswoggle win. Take a GOOD look, folks, it’s the last time we’ll see Carlito in a WWE ring… or possibly even a North American ring for that matter …
-At this point, I wanna say that the past few years of Carlito, while frustrating (in the sense of how WWE used him), were fun. Carlito grew into a good, good wrestler, and I have to applaud him for bowing out like a Champ, despite the bullshit they’ve been putting him through in recent weeks. A lesser man would have half-assed his way though tonight, what with having to job to a leprechaun, but Carlito did it, and he did it with no visible sign of resentment.
-And now, the REAL reason why everyone watched this show… JERICHO RETURNS! While some might say that his return was lacklustre, and didn’t get the huge pop it should have, I have to ask, who WASN’T expecting Jericho to show up tonight? Almost anyone with a computer, or above the age of 10, had already figured out who the Viral code was for. And besides, who cares? JERICHO. IS. BACK. NICE work by the WWE production team to give Jericho at LEAST 15 minutes for his return ceremony and monologue. And the promo Jericho cut was… was… a GREAT reminder of just why RAW needs Jericho right now. It was dynamic. It was exciting. It was energetic. It was logical. It was Entertaining. And most of all, it was a great way to end the show.
-All in all, the majority of RAW last night was blech. Aside from Kennedy’s kickass promo, it wasn’t very good. However, that doesn’t matter, because last night was all about one man, one saving grace for WWE RAW, and WWE in general, Chris Jericho.
-After nearly two years of listening to John Cena scream to try and get a reaction out of people, after two years of listening to 30-somethings The H’s and Old Man Hickenbottom make sophomoric pranks and crack juvenile toilet jokes, after two years of watching The Tall Khali stink up the joint, of having Eurotrash Superstar shoved down our throats, of watching Kennedy get jobbed the fuck out, of putting up with inane Vince McMahon shenanigans, of watching Bobby Lashley struggle SO hard to grow a personality, and just really, really half-assed booking, Chris Jericho has finally come back to save us. Sure, while he was gone, Edge and King Booker tried to fill the void, but only a man as awesome as Jericho can come close to writing so many wrongs WWE Creative has perpetrated. Why am I so sure of this? Dude, it’s CHRIS JERICHO.
-Welcome home, Jericho. We’ve all missed you.
-END.
Al Creed’s WWE RAW Reflections is a satirical and analytical review of WWE RAW, and should never be taken as a serious or legitimate attempt at reporting. WWE RAW Reflections can be read on TCR Comix, ClassicFigs.Com, and The 7th Level.
