WWE RAW Reflections – 17/03/2008
-A few days late because of having to work on boring school assignments, but the RAW Reflections are here! We’re heading into “HARD SELL” territory for WRUSSLEMUNYA. This’ll probably be really abrasive.
-We kick off RAW with a good ol’fashioned “I CHALLENGE YOU TO A MATCH TONIGHT” thing between Jericho and The Big Show on The Highlight Reel. Except, this time, you couldn’t tell who the Heel was supposed to be. Both were acting pretty dickish. I liked how Big Show made fun of Jericho’s Bon Jovi haircut, though.
-In the back, the world’s most successful Irishman EVER, Vince, is having a good week. What with being on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, and WWE stock shockingly not tanking with the rest of the stock market, and doing some sort of weightlifting thing, Vince is gonna cap it off by…undercutting one of his marquee matches at WrestleMania! That makes great business sense! Ric Flair vs. Vince McMahon in a career ending STREET FIGHT TONIGHT! Can someone tell me how WWE stock hasn’t tanked yet?
-Our first match of the night… Carlito vs. CM Punk! In a match that didn’t suck balls! Well, considering the talent in the ring, it shouldn’t have in the first place. I guess they were hyping the Money in the Bank match or something, but who cares. I like wrestling on my wrestling shows!
-In the back, washed up celebrity Snoop Dogg is talking funny talk, while Eurotrash Superstar is trying to feed him Anti-Playboy propaganda! But Snoopy won’t have none of dis, boy-ee, and leaves. Foreigners are funny.
-At ringside, we have your typical Umaga Squash, this time, he’s being fed BOTH halves of Londrick! However, unlike your typical Umaga squash, there’s actually, you know, PLOT DEVELOPMENT. A total rehash of WrestleMania V, with Kendrick leaving London to fend for himself, but at least it’s something.
-In the back, The H’s and Regal are discussing the stips for tonight’s match. Just so there’s no shenanigans, if Cena and/or Orton leave the match, they’re out of WrestleMania. That sounds kinda heelish to me…
-I don’t wanna discuss Vince McMahon getting his Star. I just don’t care about it.
-In the back, Shawn Michaels is just loafing around, watching TV, when Crazy Old Flair bursts in to chastise Shawn for being at the arena tonight. Flair doesn’t want any sympathy, and he doesn’t want any help from ANYONE! It’s kind of like when your grandpa still thinks he is still capable enough to drive to the grocery store, when he can barely keep himself from soiling his pants.
-Back at ringside, Bradhsaw doesn’t like Irish People. Like REALLY hates Irish people. So, he decides to pick a fight with that sickly Irish kid that WWE hired from CHIKARA, beat the unmerciful piss out of him, and then cut a scathing promo full of hatespeech on the Irish and Finlay. Yeah, this would have gone over WAY better if the show was emanating from Boston, and not Louisiana. And if it was 1906.
-Flair vs. McMahon was stupid. It was basically like a video game, where Vince kept hitting Flair with various weapons with no rhyme or reason to it, only for Flair to kick out. And with an obvious Shawn Michaels run-in, and a Table spot, this mercifully ends. I personally cannot wait until Flair is off TV, to be honest.
-Cena-WrestleMania Hype package. Probably would have worked, if I cared about Cena at all.
-Speaking of washed up celebrities, here’s Jerry Lawler with JARED THE SUBWAY GUY. Apparently, since it’s been 10 years since Jared’s famous diet, he thinks that entitles him to be a part of pop culture again. He also gives Jerry a sammich. How nice of him.
-Ah good, it’s time for your cookie cutter women’s tag match of the week! Maria and Candice vs. Jillian and Victoria. During this match, I noticed that a lot of people from the other shows are on RAW this week. So much for the Brand Split. Anyway, the match sucked, and the ONLY highlight was Eurotrash Superstar splashing JERRY STUPID LAWLER with a drink and then stealing Jerry’s sandwich, and being PROUD of stealing Jerry’s Sandwich. He is really, really starting to grow on me. A shame the fucker cannot wrestle.
-I really fucking hate Floyd Mayweather. And this video package about how good his life is makes me want to see something BAD happen to him. Oh, btw. “Money Belt?” IT’S THE MILLION DOLLAR CHAMPIONSHIP. Say it the RIGHT way, you diminutive thug!
-HEY LOOK! AN INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH! Go figure, Jeff Hardy gets the belt, and it’s all but forgotten for like 6 months. Jericho gets it, and BAM. Title defense. BLAH match, anyway.
-Who the hell is Kim Kardashian?
-In the back, the greatest OVW Graduates EVER are getting ready for their match. Randy is all scheming heel, wanting to cheat his way out of being hurt, while Cena wants to pull his Super Cena bullshit again. I wish he stayed injured.
-Cena and Orton vs. the RAW Roster was just how I imagined it. Some squashing of glorified jobbers early on, with the whole shooting match collapsing into a giant ball of nonsense and chaos afterwards, and capped off with the H’s Squashing the pair of them as we fade to black. I SO wanna see WrestleMania now!
-All in all… Yeah, I’m really not feeling the anticipation to see WrestleMania this year. That and its obscene pricetag. Pr0obably not gonna happen. Aside from the MITB Match, which has probably the VERY FUTURE of WWE within it, there’s not a single match I want to see. Either I just don’t care about it, or it has people I absolutely HATE, to the point that I don’t want to see.
-END.
