WWE RAW Reflections – 07/07/2008
-According to my calendar, it’s Monday! YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!
-Video package of things I watched on Daily Motion last week.
-We kick off RAW with… Oh no. Stephanie. Apparently, Junior Executive Vice President Stephanie McMahon Levesque McMahon-Helmsley is not happy that RAW is turning into Lord of the Flies following 2008’s “VINCE IS TEH DEADS!” angle a few weeks ago. SHAME ON YOU, RAW ROSTER. YOU BETTER SHAPE UP, OR STEPHANIE MAY HAVE TO TAKE OVER.
-Please, seriously. Don’t do that. In fact, never let her back on TV ever ever again.
-At ringside, the lights are all off in the arena. They come on to reveal AHHHHHHHHHH A MONSTER IS IN THE RIN-oh, that’s just Vickie Guerrero. Vickie reinforces one of the many reasons why I don’t watch SmackDown anymore (IE: Her). Anyway, this degenerates into a “I WANT A WORLD TITLE SHOT” thing between John Breastshaw Layfield, John Cena, Batista, and Kane, of all people. Number one contender’s match TONIGHT. Wait, they determine challengers for titles like that still? Like, how a WRESTLING promotion would do it? Hmmm… maybe this Lord of the Flies thing might work out…
-Apparently last week, Eurotrash Superstar was all evil foreigner on Rey Mysterio, which leads to Rey’s first match on RAW. Which stunk. Seriously, I’m pretty sure by now, most wrestling fans over the age of 9 have seen what you can really do, Rey, and that… that was just half-assed. I know it’s an Eurotrash Superstar match, but honestly, way to phone it in, Rey. Also, it looks like Eurotrash Superstar’s been hitting the Olive Garden a few too many times…
-Backstage, Nadd Grisham is with CM Punk, in what seems like a normal interview… until one of the lights falls down, leading to the line of the night: “YOU IDIOT! WE’RE ON LIVE!!” Unfortunately, this leads to a CM Punk-Snitsky match. Hey, when did Snitsky’s chin start looking like The Missing Link’s head?
-OH JOY, Kelly Kelly is on RAW now FOR NO RAISON! Oh, right, because WWE was in serious short supply of face women wrestlers because they shipped Maria over to SmackDown for no good reason, since they have a healthy supply of face women. Hey, at least RAW’s Women’s Title doesn’t look like it has a vagina on it. HYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
-…Well now. Apparently someone taught Kelly Kelly a few, actual wrestling moves. Then again, they also had her paired with Mickie James and against Jillian Hall, who are actually wrestlers, and not swimsuit models that made Johnny Ace pitch a tent. LMAO SEX JOKE. Anyway, this match sucked, and the crowd didn’t like it one bit. WHERE THE HELL IS BETH PHOENIX? Oh, and Breastshaw’s Limo (AKA the Flabmobile) comes out…
-…Only to have those DAMNED PUNKS, John Cena and Cryme Tyme in it, when we come back from commercial! You know what? The pairing of Cena and Cryme Tyme… it just seems so natural. Good decision by WWE Creative. To teach that mean ol’ Breastshaw a lesson, they break the windows and spray paint OMG GRAFFITTI on JBL’s limo. That’ll teach him not to try and take control in the midst of a power vacuum. Rumour has it that’s how Stalin seized power away from Trotsky following Lenin’s death in 1923. Breaking the windows of Trotsky’s Bullhorn Limo.
-In case you tuned into RAW, like, 2 minutes late, here’s the EXACT same video package that kicked off tonight’s show!
-Mercifully, Punk vs. Snitsky was short. I don’t want to comment on it.
-Backstage, Shawn Michaels wanders around, looking all ornery and grouchy. He probably caught some damn kids skateboarding on the sidewalk or something.
-COMMERCIAL: In case you missed getting the Ultimate Ric Flair Collection, you can now get the Definitive Ric Flair Collection! Now with presumably MINUTES more of footage, mostly all that retirement stuff, and as an extra, an extended version of that shitty “Leave the Memories Alone” song that they kept playing over and over again. Stay tuned for the Stupendously Final Ric Flair Collection: Special Edition. Rumour has it, WWE’s production team was able to digitally remove all the pit stains and excess sweating from the clips featuring Ric later in his career!
-Back from break… Ok, that exchange between Shawn and Chris Jericho has been, BY FAR, one of the best promos I have ever seen on WWE TV. It was INFUCKINGTENSE, it was real, and it was SHARP SHARP SHARP. This feud is really picking up steam.
-Charlie Haas vs. Kofi Kingston was… kinda stiff, don’tcha think? Well, try as Charlie may, everyone who matters in WWE hates him anyway, and Kofi, more than likely, will be pretty big by the year’s end…Oh wait a minute, Kofi-Burchill feud? *DROOL*
-Backstage, Batista is prepping for the main event, when some scrawny doofus broke into the frame and acted like an idiot. I have yet to determine if this, and that “YOU IDIOT, WE’RE ON LIVE” thing earlier are worked or not. Seems far too coincidental and overacted…
-The commercial breaks killed the main event for me, even though it was promoted nicely. Anyway, Batista wins, and we get a Kane Heel turn, as he kept asking Michael Cole questions that were mostly inaudible. YAY.
-This RAW was alright. Aside from the absolutely boring Diva’s match, Rey Mysterio phoning it in, and Vicke Guerrero most unnecessary appearance tonight, it was pretty decent. I REALLY like how RAW is organizing itself since the Roster Draft. A new main event scene has been established that feel’s fresh, young stars are getting more TV time (like CM Punk, Kofi Kingston, and Paul Burchill), and you know what? I think this show is doing pretty damn well without a ‘General Manager’ or any kind of authority figure. In fact, I think the show can actually THRIVE without an authority figure, as the absence of an authority figure means No stupid authority figure angles eating up TV Time. I mean, seriously, I think we all could use a break from The Leather Couch Room, right?
END.
