WWE RAW Reflections – 11/05/2009

-I don’t wanna do this.  I REALLY don’t wanna Reflect on this boring goddamned show today.  But, I’m going to anyway.  For you.  Not for me.  If I had my way, I would be knee deep into Rock Band 2 right now, or something else.  But, no.  This is for YOU!

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WrestleMania 25 Reflections!

And here we are! WRUSSLEMUNYA 25! Not just the grand return of my WrussleMunya recap (last year, due to the feed I was watching being incredibly glitchy, I didn’t bother), but the return of content from myself (March has been HELL for me)! However, do not expect a RAW Reflections from me tomorrow, because I’m not out of the woods just yet, as far as school is concerned, but I figure I would get the motor running again. ON TO THE SHOW.

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WWE RAW Reflections – 16/02/2009

-So, that PPV I hate so much happened Sunday night.  For the most part, I didn’t enjoy it, what with The H’s winning the Title, and a really dull undercard (although the Shawn Michaels-Breastshaw match was enjoyable).  HOWEVER, the fact that Edge won the World Championship using sweet HEEL TRIX made up for it all…
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RAW Reflections – 02/02/2009

-With the Rumble in the record books, we are on the Autobahn to WRUSSLEMUNYA! Unfortunately, we have to make a slight detour and a pit stop at No Way Out-berg, to pick up some chips, maybe grab some Burger King, and watch an unnecessary amount of Elimination Chamber matches. God, I hate you, No Way Out. Anyway, RAW REFLECTIONS!

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TNA Genesis Review

The last time I watched a TNA PPV with the intent of reviewing it, the whole situation degenerated into a rant about how much I hate the Insane Clown Posse.  So, after a few months, I attempted to watch TNA Genesis, with the intent of reviewing it.  Once again, we have a problem.  I won’t be reviewing the show, match by match, but I will not go into a massive rant.  I shall address the problem with TNA Genesis in a cool, calm, collected manner.

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WWE RAW Reflections – 05/01/2009

-So here it is, the first batch of RAW Reflections for the New Year!  I’m glad you all enjoyed my 25 Best Wrestlers on Television Column.  That is, I assumed you all did, based on all the feedback I got for it.  While there was (foreseeable) disagreements on placement and who was on it and who was not, the bottom line is, everyone’s going to come up with a different list.  HOWEVER, I have a column and you do not, so NYAH.  I jest, of course.  HEY, how about some Reflections now?!

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The 25 Best Wrestlers on Television, 2008

The name says it all.  This is a list of who I feel are the best wrestlers to be on Television during the calendar year of 2008.  The reason why I limit it to Television is because, in all honestly, 90% of all the pro wrestling I am exposed to, and 100% of all the wrestling I write about in this column is shown on Television.  With that in mind, some wrestlers like Bryan Danielson, Nigel McGuinnes, and Austin Aries will NOT be appearing on this list, because they are not showcased on a weekly television program that I have access to.   On the other end of the spectrum, wrestlers like John Cena, Triple H, and Shawn Michaels will not be featured on this list either, because I do not like them, and I am horribly biased.

In my criteria for making this list, I have limited it to wrestlers who appear on a weekly television program.  As such, this list will be primarily wrestlers from WWE or TNA. However, I have also chosen to include several wrestlers that appeared during TNA’S World X-Cup Tournament, because they were showcased rather well on TNA Television.  That, and as I said before, I’m horribly biased.  As well, in using the WWE Power 25 Rule, I have decided to list entries who are regularly showcased as a tag team as a tag team.    ON WITH THE LIST!

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WWE RAW Reflections – 29/12/2008

-And here it is!  The final RAW Reflections of 2008!  And the FINAL RAW Reflections to be posted on WordPress.com!  What a year 2008 has been for wrestling, hasn’t it, folks?  A lot of people have risen and fallen, and we’ve seen some REALLY good stuff, and some really, really stupid stuff.  And, it only makes sense that we close out 2008 with some RAW Reflections!

-We kick off with one of the weirdest sights… Rey Mysterio in the ring with a microphone.  Seriously, that just never happens.  Anyway, Mysterio is no happy.  He wants to face Shawn Michaels for Shawn’s spot in the Four Way Dance for the Number One Contendership of the World Title, and Shawn’s all cool with that.  Unfortunately, his blowhard of a boss comes in and puts the kybosh on what could have been a FUCKING great match to close out 2008 with.  Instead, the Four Way Dance goes as planned…

-And Bruiser Brod… I mean, Mike Knox is out to beat the piss out of Rey, only to be THWARTED BY SUPER CENA DUN-DUN-NA-DUUUUUUUUUN!  TAKE THAT, GENERIC HAIRY BAD GUY!!  Mike Knox would look much more threatening if he wore something other than generic black trunks.

-Back from break, Randy Orton is holding fucking TRYOUTS for his Legacy stable.  First up, PLYWOOD CODY RHODES!

-..And his opponent?  CM PUNK.  CM Punk’s pre-match taunting was adorable.  It was actually something of a decent match.  Perfectly acceptable for TV Wrestling, and having Regal cause CM Punk to get counted out was the only plausible way Cody could have won without hurting CM Punk, going into his IC Title Match… which apparently they’re doing next week, and not at the Royal Rumble or anything.  I would be excited, but I don’t expect WWE to give a match THAT good on free television.

-Backstage, Cena was screaming something at Stephanie McMahon about commentary, but I wasn’t paying attention.  I’ll admit it, I was too busy staring at Stephanie’s chest.

-Back from Break, Goldust is here to give a WACKY Christmas Poem!  Cody and Dusty were namedropped, and I prefer the old, creepy Goldust to the new, manic cartoon Goldust.  It still beats Black Reign, though.  And hey, couldn’t Goldust try out for Orton’s Legacy Stable?  I think an Odd-Couple Tag Team composed of Goldust and Cody would be hilarious.

-Apparently, in the past two weeks, misfortune has fallen upon Dave Batista!  Not only did Randy Orton scramble his brains, he needed EMERGENCY JAW SURGERY! Oh, he also decided to have hamstring surgery for an injury he claims to have had since SUMMERSLAM.  I’m surprised that they didn’t show Batista eating a bowl of iron pellets and wrestling bears to further beat me over the head with just how fucking tough Dave Batista is.

-The Diva’s Battle Royal was BLAH, but you already knew that.  HOWEVER, Eurotrash Superstar wins quote of the year by calling Melina a GYPSY.  If you think about it, she does kind-of look like a Gypsy…

-Backstage, Chris Jericho is talking to Nadd Grisham about how insulting it is to be named WWE’s Jerk of the Year for 2008, and I find it absolutely hilarious.   The idea of a grown, mature man in a nice suit, using big words to explain his disapproval about not being liked by the readers of a Children’s Magazine (presumably children), or just being called a ‘Jerk’ in general just makes me laugh.  I only wish he tore the magazine up, too.

-Admit it.  You got a smidge excited when you heard the Superfly theme.  You thought Jimmy Snuka Jr. was actually going to wrestle his dad, just like I did, for a brief second.   And you were slightly disappointed when you saw Charlie Haas.  Nothing against Charlie, he’s a great wrestler and he seriously works hard on his impersonator gimmick, but still.  Jimmy Snuka Jr. wins his tryout match, and his first match in like 76 years.

-Backstage, Rey Mysterio and John Cena are walking to the ring.  Apparently Boobs McMahon signed off on some match with them and Mike Knox?

-You know, the 10-man tag match was a smart idea.  Have all of your dependable guys, and Mike Knox, in a match to close off 2008.  And the match was actually alright, as far as massive clusterfuck matches go.  And giving Kofi a little rub by playing off of John Cena was nice, too.  I really want to see Kofi succeed.  However, I think Michael Cole would be better served to keep his unsettling factoids about Mike Knox’s body hair to himself, next time.

-Backstage, Nadd Grisham is trying to get some words out of Shawn, in regards to the up-coming Four Way Dance.  Shawn’s all “I’M MR. WRESTLEMANIA.”  That’s great, but it REALLY didn’t answer Need’s question.

-FURTHER backstage (the first time I’ve said that in this Reflection…) Kelly Kelly’s mystery boyfriend is… Randy Orton?  But, Randy blows off their night of supposed romance.  Also, Kelly Kelly REALLY needs acting classes, if you’re going to start having her talk.

-In a pretty long match (for undercard TV Matches, anyway), Afa Jr. fails his tryout, and is presumably CUT from the team!  And Afa Jr. actually looked like he was going to cry about it!  Awwww Afa Jr., there’s always Varsity Track, or Volleyball!

-Don’t care about Ken Kennedy’s Movie.  Actually having a hard time caring about Ken Kennedy right now…

-The Main Event… Um, well… I actually kind of dozed off at the beginning, and didn’t wake up until Breastshaw was ordering Shawn Michaels to lay down, and Shawn looked like he was about to cry.  It was actually kind of gripping, or would be, if I was a Shawm Michaels fan.  Or had feelings.

-Seriously, though, Shawn Michaels has proven himself to be a pretty good sympathetic character in 2008.  That’s as close to a compliment as you’re getting out of me, Ol’ Man Hickenbottom.

-All in all… this show was kind of strange.  It’s as if it were… a WRESTLING show?  Seriously, there was a HIGH degree of wrestling on this Variety Show!  Who allowed this?!  Did WWE Creative get replaced by Pod People?  Because I think that’s what happened.  Pod People DO book better Wrestling shows than WWE Creative does.  Then again, some forms of one-cell organisms book better Wrestling shows than WWE Creative.

And what a way to close out The RAW Reflections for 2008… with a WRESTLING Show.  Well done, guys.

-Coming sometime soon will be my 25 Best Wrestlers On Television List!  Maybe tomorrow, maybe at the end of the week?  We’ll see.

-END.

WWE RAW Reflections – 15/12/2008

-You’re not seeing things.  Do not adjust your monitors, this IS, indeed, a brand new edition of the RAW Reflections!  With the semester over, and with only three Mondays left in 2008, I figured it was about time to get back into the groove of things.  I hope that’s ok.

-Last Sunday, WWE had a PPV in which Jeff Hardy got SO high, both you and I started to hallucinate.  Because there is no other reasonable explanation as to why and how Jeff Hardy was allowed to win the WWE Championship…  OH, and apparently Shawn Michaels is BROKE, and has turned to his SWORN NEMISIS of the Moment, JBL for help.  It’s kind of like that Simpsons episode where Homer has to borrow money from Patti and Selma, except a lot more hilarious.

-So, RAW has decided to welcome me back with my ALL-TIME FAVOURITE KIND OF MATCH… a Diva’s Tag match.  Yay.  Thankfully it ended quickly, and they spent more time building some sort of Beth Phoenix-Obsessed Fan angle.  Which, frankly in the past 10 years, I have seen enough of.  Anyway, the match ends with Kelly Kelly getting a surprise win, and KANE, for some reason, coming out to… help Kelly Kelly up.  Kelly refuses and runs away, with Kane in tow.  Maybe Kane wanted to invite her to his and Val Venis’ Book Club?  This week, they’re reading Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand!

-Note: at Kane’s Book Club, the Book of the Week is ALWAYS Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand.

-Back from break, Kane eventually catches up with Kelly Kelly and tells her that they need to talk in an angry voice.  Maybe Kane is upset with the fact that Kelly Kelly didn’t vote for Bob Barr in her first Presidential election as an adult?

-And yes, I did check, the 2008 Election was the first one Kelly Kelly would have been legally allowed to vote in.  The more you know!

-…OH RIGHT!  Wrestling.

-Next match of the night is Rey Mysterio vs. Deuce… I’m sorry, SIM SNUKA!  Sim?  What the hell is with WWE giving people the weirdest first names on the planet?  Braden?  Marquis? Dolph?  SIM?  I’m calling him Jimmy Snuka Jr.  Anyway, the match is thrown out because Cody Rhodes and Afa Jr. attack Rey after Rey almost crashed into Cody, and Cody’s all “OMG WTF!”  After a tussle, Mike Knox comes out to beat the shit out of Rey for no real reason.  Considering Vince’s apparent hard-on for second/third generational wrestlers right now, I am seriously surprised that they haven’t tried to repackage Mike Knox as Bruiser Brody’s distant second cousin, twice-removed or something.

-Because Mike Knox looks a lot like Brody right now, you see.

-COMMERCIAL:  You know, these DX-WWE Shopzone commercials are slightly amusing.  Mostly because Shawn and the H’s have apparently come to grips with the fact that they’re actually two middle-aged men, and not Twenty-something Fratboys.  It’s kind of heart-wrenching in a way, as Shawn Michaels is apparently going through a mid-life crisis during this string of ads, while Hunter is trying desperately to hide his own age insecurities by mocking Shawn.

-Speaking of Shawn, I don’t know about you, but each time I hear Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler say “Shawn Michaels is broke,” I laugh.  I know it’s supposed to be a dramatic angle, but I find the whole thing absolutely unbelievable.

-In the back, Kane has Kelly Kelly locked in some sort of interrogation room.  I wonder if this has anything to do with the copy of Das Kapital Kane found in her personal belongings?  Ok, ok, I’ll stop with the political jokes.  Anyway, Kane apparently thinks Kelly has a crush on him, and is all in her face about it.  What would have made this MORE awesome is if this segment concluded with Kane smelling her hair.

-Backstage, Nadd Grisham is with Randy, and he’s all braggy about how he challenged Batista to a match, and Batista didn’t accept, but who should appear but BATISTA!  YAY!  We almost went a full hour without seeing BATISTA!  Orton slaps Batista in his wrinkly, orange face and leads him into a Legacy boobytrap that is foiled by OH THANK GOD JOHN CENA IS HERE TOO!!!  Mercifully, a commercial happens soon after.

-Back from break, Batista and John Cena vs. The Legacy yadda yadda Main Event yadda yadda pffft blurp.

-Our third match of the evening… doesn’t happen, because Chris Jericho refuses to wrestle undercard talent, especially YOU, Hacksaw Jim Duggan!  Jericho cuts yet another AWESOME heel promo, but this one is different, because it makes Hacksaw Jim Duggan all sad, and it makes me sad seeing Jim Duggan being sad.  It’s like watching a puppy sulking.

-Back to the INTERROGATION ROOM as Kane continues his unlawful confinement of Kelly Kelly.  Apparently Kane thinks that Kelly Kelly is dating someone else, thus the ONLY reason why she doesn’t want to date a massive, psychotic, criminally insane, Libertarian monster like Kane.  Kane DEMANDS the identity of said Guy, as we head into Commercial.

-During the break, Kane FINALLY got a name out of Kelly Kelly, but we don’t know who it is yet.  I guess Kevin Dunn forgot to keep the camera rolling during the break.  Anyway, Kane goes to confront this challenger to his Fair Captive’s heart!  …Man, Kane never has much luck with women.  If they’re not secretly involved with another man, they’re dying in make-believe Car accidents that completely undermine his character’s back story.  Or boinking X-Pac.  HEY!  Maybe Kelly Kelly is dating X-Pac!  Judging by Kelly Kelly’s track record (Batista and Test), she seems to have a thing for old guys who still think they’re ‘cool.’

-And when I say ‘old guys,’ I mean relative to her age.  Just to make THAT perfectly clear.

-Back from break, King William Regal and Lady Layla El are here to preside over HOLY SHIT CM PUNK AND KOFI KINGSTON VS. MIZORISSON FUCKING SWEET!!!!  *ahem*  Anyway, as ANYONE with a brain could deduce, this match fucking ruled.  Obviously match of the night, and the crowd absolutely loved it, especially when Kofi started gaining momentum.  Everything about this match was perfect, especially having Kofi pinned to save CM Punk’s credibility for William Regal, which WILL be a great feud.

-… but we’re not done here.  Post-match, Kane comes out, and it is presumed that Kelly Kelly’s secret boyfriend is at ringside.  Most likely suspect: Jerry Lawler.  Actually, it turns out to be The Miz for some reason, and The Miz gets fucking squashed like an ant.  WWE Creative is lucky the tag title match was so unbelievably awesome, or I would be livid right now.

-To slow things down, here comes a rather thin-looking JBL.  It’s the pinstripes.  Anyway, he shows us a video of the ENTIRE angle at Armageddon between Shawn and Breastshaw.   I think it’s funny that, judging by the fan’s reaction to Shawn Michaels agreeing to work for JBL, the fans would rather have Shawn Michaels and his family STARVE, than Shawn make a rational and reasonable decision to supplement his income by working for a rich man who just happens to be a BOOO BAD GUY!

-In the back, Candice Michelle and Mickie James arrive for their weekly “WWE Face Divas Who Are Allowed Last Names Club: RAW Chapter” meeting with Kelly Kelly, and are distraught that Kelly Kelly would even date someone like The Miz, to which Kelly is all “EW GROSS!”  So, she set The Miz up?  God, what a bitch!

-Dolph Ziggler vs. Santa Haas was boring.  Absolutely boring.  I blame Dolph Ziggler.

-COMMERCIAL:  Hey you!  Watch Behind Enemy Lines: Columbia!  It’s got Mr. Kennedy in it!  C’MON!  Who cares if it’s blatant propaganda about the American Military that really doesn’t sit too well, considering the international climate we find ourselves in right now!  JUST BUY THE GODDAMNED DVD, ALRIGHT?!  STOP ASKING QUESTIONS!

-In the back, a SADFACE Jim Duggan is being sad, but then is accosted by Cryme Tyme, who tell Jim “It’s Time.”  Do they mean Time, or Tyme?  Also, Time(Tyme) for what?  Are they taking Jim to the Island of Misfit Old Wrestlers?  I heard the Island is ruled by the Tyrannical and Xenophobic King Greg Valentine!

-Further in the back, Stephanie bitches at Chris Jericho about not facing Jim Duggan.  Apparently she too has a soft spot for SAD Jim Duggan.  Anyway, we are told that next week, qualifying matches for a Fatal Fourway match to determine the new Number One Contender for the World Title will begin NEXT WEEK!  You see, this is how you hype next week’s show, near the end of the program, backstage.  NOT in the middle of the ring at the VERY beginning!

-Oh Yeah, if you haven’t guessed by now, I don’t care to see Batista and Cena vs. The Legacy.  Formulaic and flat-out boring.  Also, kicks to Batista’s wrinkly, puffy orange head.

-Overall, this RAW was a pretty decent show.  I actually liked it, because, for me and my own sick sense of humour, it was pretty funny, giving me ample material to make stupid jokes!  My rule of thumb is always, if they can’t produce a good wrestling show, at least produce something I can laugh at!

-A couple of things before I let you go.  First, I will be releasing my list of The 25 Best Wrestlers On Television for 2008 in a few weeks.  Look forward to that.  Second, I am STRONGLY considering abandoning my free WordPress account, and posting my Reflections directly on my website, TCR Comix.com.  If I choose to do so, it won’t happen until 2009, to start off with a clean slate.

-Ok, now you can go.  Scoot!

-END.

TNA iMPACT! iNFERENCES! – 11/12/2008

-And he we have it, possibly the LAST TNA iMPACT! iNFERENCE! Of 2008!  WHOO!  We’ll see if I want to do one for next week.  I can guarantee you, right now, I won’t be watching any wrestling on Christmas Day, if it’s even on.  Anyway, ONTO THE (HORRIBLE) SHOW!

-If you didn’t know, TNA ran its last PPV of the year this past Sunday, and aside from the frequent awesomeness of The Motor City Machine Guns, it was pretty dull and convoluted.  ESPECIALLY with that Four-Man Tag World Title Matches.  Which are really dumb.  Anyway, the Main Event Mafia (with shitty theme music) are here to gloat.  And talk shit about Jeff Jarret.  Until they’re interrupting, and Kurt Angle and AJ Styles have their first public conversation in what seems forever without mentioning Karen Angle.  This ends with nothing actually being settled, and a big ol’teased brawl.  Good Ol’ Fashioned Russo Booking.

-Backstage, Jeff Jarrett announces that, from this point forward, he’s Jeff Jarrett: King of the Mountain, and that Mick Foley is in charge.  Except for the segments where Jim Cornette is in Charge.  Or the segments where Traci Brooks is in charge.  First order of Business: Mick is going to have a chat with the Mafia.

-Back from break, we have a tournament to crown a new X-Division Champion, because Jim Cornette has had enough of Davari’s heelish, foreigner nonsense.  It actually looks like a decent Tournament.  Anyway, here’s Alex Shelley for yet ANOTHER fucking awesome promo.  I am beyond happy that TNA’s decided to actually get behind the Guns.

-Opening match between Eric Young and Davari was WAY TOO SHORT.  WAY TOO SHORT.  Anway, Davari loses, that Ref who does the gimmick of attacking Davari is ‘suspended’ and Eric Young moves on.  Woo.

-Backstage, Bubba Ray Dudley is giving a peptalk to the TNA Front Line (terrible, but better than TNA Originals), who contains a bunch of guys Team 3D had SWORN TO DESTROY just over a year ago.  It would have made a lot more sense for Team 3D to join The Main Event Mafia, but on the other hand, Vinny Ru has managed to make the…ugh, Front Line look really weak, either intentional or not, and with the possible departure of Christian, they need all the help they can get.  Also, I want to know how Eric Young magically appeared in that room mere SECONDS after being at ringside, AND got dressed back into his street clothes!  HE’S A WIZARD!

-Back from break, BORE-ASH YEW MORE-ON is here to shill TNA’s Mobile package.  No thank you.  He’s also here to get immediate word from Mick Foley’s meeting with the Main Event Mafia, and he’s… leaving the room, laughing.  Ok, for those of you who didn’t watch the PPV (as in, all of you reading this), Al Snow came out to ringside during the Kurt Angle/Rhino match which Foley was Guest Enforcing and slapped Foley, AND Kurt Angle threatened that he was going to get Foley NEXT!  Not only was Foley next, Angle was going to, and I SWEAR TO GOD he said this on PPV, “beat the Shit” out of Foley!  And… They were JUST Sharing a Laugh?  Reminscing on old times?  WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?  At the VERY LEAST, Foley should be a little curious, if not livid, about Al Snow being at the PPV last Sunday!  GOD I HATE THIS SHOW SOMETIMES, IT MAKES MY BRAIN HURT!!!

-And if things can’t get anymore braindead, Here’s the totally awesome Beautiful People with a Sarah Palin impersonator, a full TWO GODDAMN MONTHS since making Sarah Palin jokes stopped being popular.  Like, holy shit.  Well, at least TNA’s grasp on the outside world is only a few months out of date, unlike WWE, who’s grasp on the outside world is so frigging outdated, its become compost and rejoined the local Ecosystem.

-So, some unknown guy named Brutus Magnum is debuting soon.  Probably a bad idea, considering all the fucking pandemonium that occurs on a normal Impact broadcast, not to mention THE MONTHS LONG RUN OF VIGNETTES FOR YOUR ‘NEWEST’ ADDITION TO THE ROSTER, SUICIDE.  This guy better be the best fucking wrestler on the planet.

-Thank GOD Alex Shelley got here when he did, or I was going to lose my mind.  I’ll let it slide that it didn’t even survive the Two-Minute Mark, because I needed a Shelley fix.  Aferwards, Chris Sabin, for a change, cuts a FUCKING SWEET promo, only to have Kaz in his Deadpool ripoff costume come down and attack them again.  You see, he attacked them at the PPV.

-Backstage… in the two weeks in which I have missed TNA Impact, they somehow managed to turn Abyss from a serious monster into a giant nincompoop who thinks Cartoons are real.  Brilliant.

-I’m not a fan of the Rough Cuts waste of time, but this week’s installment was a nice hype piece on the most underutilized member of the TNA Roster, James Storm.

-Welp, back from break, and you can just TELL Russo books this show.  How?  Two Hallmarks.  One: Overly complicated unnecessary gimmick matches.  Two:  ITEM ON A POLE MATCHES.  The sad thing is, the Item On the Pole didn’t even get used.  So, what was the point of this, then?  Also, I thought Abyss was against using weapons now?  WHY IS HE SWINGING A CHAIR?!

-Alright, I’ve had enough of this.  Aside from Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin, who are SINGLE-HANDEDLY making TNA palatable for me right now, This show is just… just… ILLOGICAL.  It is honestly without logic.  And the fact that it’s actually GAINING VIEWERS OVERALL FOR THE PAST TWO WEEKS is just mindboggling.  I’m a lifelong wrestling fan, I’ve swallowed some stupidity with a smile in my years, and even I find this show hard to watch.  And yet, casual fans are tuning in?  It CAN’T be just to watch The Beautiful People giggle their assets.  It just can’t.

-In the coming weeks, before the New Year, I will be releasing my inaugural 25 Best Wrestlers on Television.  I was going to give out fake awards, but that’s stupid and everyone else does that.  Also, I like lists better.  Also also, yes, do expect the Guns to rank highly.

-END.